What are people killed over these days? Why are banks robbed? What are politicians and cops and government officials bribed with? What gets you drugs? What is one of the main chains in a movie storyline these days?

Yep, it’s ALL about money.

Women dance naked/engage in prostitution for it, guys in ski masks run into liquor & convenience stores and demand all of it, laws are changed/made with the “donation” of it, people spend the vast majority of their lives at jobs they probably don’t like making enough of it so that they can live off of the rest of it until the end of their miserable existences. MONEY, man! What did people do before there was currency, the barter system? They exchanged sharpened sticks for big stones? They traded bloody furs for exotic fruits?

Money makes people do stupid things. People die because of money. Money is like God in that it’s one of the leading causes of death (thanks to George Carlin for pointing out that God is one of the leading causes of death). I think that everything is slowly starting to revolve around money nowadays…EVERYTHING: Construction projects, helping the homeless, finding cures for deadly diseases, etc.

My theory is that the “American dream” is based largely on money. Make as much money as you want in The United States of America. Is that why they’re opposed to Communism? Is that why they vilify Communism as much as they do? Is that why they teach their children that “Communism is evil and anyone who says ANYTHING about Communism (even the word itself) should be shot until they’ve been quartered by nothing but bullets”? The plots of a hell of a lot of American movies involve money. The great heist movies: money. Gangster movies: money. Drug & crime-fighting movies: money. Oh sure, relationships and views on how humans treat each other are part of the premise too (somehow), but I think a lot of these messages & plots center around how humans deal with money…and greed.

Here’s a silly simile for you: Money is like an orgasm in that it provides temporary happiness. And it’s TRUE! You’re not going to have that money forever, just like you’re not going to be able to blow your load forever! An ex girlfriend of mine kept telling me that money isn’t everything, and she was absolutely right. I believed for a long time that the more money I had, the better off I was going to be. Well, that’s true and it’s not. It’s good to save money, but it’s also good to spend money on the things that you want, as long as you’re not an idiot about it.

Money isn’t everything, alright? It’s NOT. There’s also religion, sex, women, jealous boyfriends….and whatever other topics I choose to rant on in the future…like dogs who pee on people’s legs for nominal fees, or small groups of hefty women who run around in their underwear hitting everything they can with tennis rackets.

What if there was no money? What would happen if it all just disappeared one day and everything was free? We could just take anything we wanted without paying? Would there still be jobs? What would people do for a day’s wage? Would they build cars and then just go home at the end of 8 hours and enjoy the day with their family (who went out and took what they wanted from the stores because everything is free)? Look, I’m speculating here because it’s fun to play with the idea, and I just can’t see the reality of there being no money in the world. I can’t foresee what kind of problems there would be or what would happen to the social systems in the world. How would lawyers get paid, a handshake, a hug, a kiss on the cheek and an invitation to dinner? Well, if the lawyer DID take a case for no money (like that would ever happen), he’d be doing it out of the good of his own heart and he’d be fighting for what he believed in (like that’s EVER happened!).

Let’s face it: money does not make this world cruel, WE do, by the choices we make on how we try and get that money. A lot of us kill other people just so we can have some more money, some green paper in our pockets that we can exchange for shiny objects or big vehicles or pounds and pounds of drugs that you’re addicted to. Money is here forever, and it will forever be a reason that the population figures will fluctuate.

Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay.
Money, it’s a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash.
New car, caviar, four star daydream,
Think I’ll buy me a football team.

Money, get back.
I’m all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack.
Money, it’s a hit.
Don’t give me that do goody good bullshit.
I’m in the high-fidelity first class traveling set And I think I
need a Lear jet.

Money, it’s a crime.
Share it fairly but don’t take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise it’s no surprise that they’re giving
none away.

“HuHuh! I was in the right!”
“Yes, absolutely in the right!”
“I certainly was in the right!”
“You was definitely in the right. That geezer was cruising for a
“Why does anyone do anything?”
“I don’t know, I was really drunk at the time!”
“I was just telling him, he couldn’t get into number 2. He was asking
why he wasn’t coming up on freely, after I was yelling and
screaming and telling him why he wasn’t coming up on freely.
It came as a heavy blow, but we sorted the matter out”

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