The Future of laziness

Cars get you from point A to point B faster. Automatic can openers open the can FOR you instead of you having to open a can by hand. The Clapper turns off the lights FOR you. Keyboards can produce words faster (and neater) than writing them out. The Stairmaster gives you the option of speed control and vertical ascent. Microwaves heat things up a LOT faster than stoves do…

There are necessary inventions of technology, and then there are technologies that are wastes of time. People drive cars to get somewhere – cool, saves time – but because of that, there is an increase in the sedentary lives that we moderners lead, thus, more and more people are becoming the size of sumo wrestlers…AND THEY’RE NOT TRAINING TO BE SUMO WRESTLERS! So what am I saying: ban cars? NO! I’m saying EXERCISE! Ride a bike once in awhile, or walk! Hey, Jesus walked….with a cross strapped to his back, and he was a thin, young lad, wasn’t he? Check out any Christian church; He sure was the pinnacle of fitness back then, wasn’t he? Maybe he was killed by a whole bunch of fat people who envied him for his genetics…or something. (I think I’M going to be crucified for that.)

Just about everything we’ve created in the past 150 years makes us lazier, somehow. Yes, I realize that without machines we wouldn’t be assembling hundreds of cars every day or printing thousands of newspapers every morning or manufacturing huge loads of cocaine, so I’m not talking about abolishing every form of machinery just to get us out of this laziness rut! But it’s the little thing we can do without. Why are we trying to save a few measly seconds on a chore? Why spend that much money and waste that much more electricity?

You don’t need an electric can opener because a regular one does the exact same job, and it’s not hard to operate! If you’re cutting yourself on it, you’re doing something wrong! What are you saving yourself, a few seconds? A FEW EXTRA SECONDS SPENT ON OPENING A CAN? People that worry about saving a few precious seconds on a task are the same people that say things like, “I just wasted 2 hours watching this movie and I’ll never get that time back!”. You’ll never get back ANY of the time spent on ANYTHING in your life, so why complain? Everything you DO requires time to be spent! Do you really think that every single second of your life should (or will) be spent doing things that you enjoy?

Microwaves heat things up fast enough, but don’t they have some health risk attached to them (radiation)? And The Clapper? Please! If you’re too fat and/or lazy to get up and flick a switch to the OFF position, you are ONE LAZY FUCK.

Where is this heading in the future? We’re all going to become a fast food culture, too fat to do anything for ourselves (the white people anyway), so we’ll all have maids and butlers (all the immigrants) who will be fit and healthy and will take over the country (because whites are a minority in most parts of North America anyway). And we’ll be dumbass consumerists too; our eyes wide open, the fat on our bodies slumping all over the couch, our fingers on the 115-button remote control flicking through hundreds of channels on satellite reception, every 3rd channel a home-shopping network ripoff, and we’re buying everything we can because it’s “easy”, “quick”, and “convenient”. Are we humans becoming fatter and lazier every generation? As I understand it, there were WAY less fat kids back in the 1960’s (even though I have no way of proving this point) compared to now. Apparently, according to the Lazyboy song “Underwear goes inside the pants”, we’re in the middle of an “obesity epidemic.” WHAT KIND OF STUPID LANGUAGE IS THIS, FOR ONE, AND WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING LAZY, FOR TWO? REALIZE THAT YOU EAT TOO MUCH FAST FOOD, CUT BACK, AND START EXERCISING! THAT’S THE ONE THING THAT ALL THESE ‘MIRACLE DIETS’ DON’T EMPHASIZE BECAUSE THEY JUST WANT YOU TO BE ON THEIR USELESS DIET SO YOUR STUPID, FAT ASS WILL GIVE THEM MONEY!

You want a good aerobic workout? Learn how to play the drums, and then step in for Dave Grohl when Queens of the Stone Age take the stage.

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