Conspiracy theories

I think there’s a conspiracy theory on everything you can think of. Using the most questionable form of research technology today (the Internet), I was looking up the long-term effects that swallowing toothpaste may have on the human body and I came across a discussion forum about toothpaste. Most of it was meaningless, but some guy had posted something to the effect that toothpaste is part of a conspiracy by dentists to keep you coming back to them so they can charge you huge amounts of money and keep them rolling in dough. Yes, it sounds implausible, but I’m sure that if you gave that guy the time of day he would explain (in great detail) why he believes this.

Remember Mel Gibson’s character in “Conspiracy theory”? Wacky guy. Talked and talked and talked. His mind had more grinding wheels than London’s Big Ben. How about Denzel Washington’s “Ben Marco” character from Jonathan Demme’s 2004 remake of “The Manchurian candidate”? He was twitchy, uncomfortable, and in constant fear and confusion. It’s understandable as to why people can behave this way, but only once you’ve listened to the reasons why they think the way they do. Conspiracy theorists are constantly trying to connect things together in order to build their cases. I think that, a lot of the time, they have to speculate, hypothesize, or just make things up in order to get from one step to the other. This is why conspiracy theories are so interesting, because people are adding their own thoughts and stories into what they think is happening – almost like a rumour. It’s kind of like the Aristocrats joke; everyone has their own take on it and they tell it in their own unique way.

Did you ever hear a rumour about the government putting your name on a special list if you ever borrowed the book “The Catcher in the rye” from any library? Some guy told me about this back in May 2003. He went on to say that your name was added to the list because many famous serial killers and terrorists have read that exact same book. Sounds ludicrous, doesn’t it? I think the interesting part of this is that it CAN be believable because special groups are trying to find out what makes killers tick, trying to find things in common between all these murderers: books they’ve read, movies they’ve watched, events in their childhood that have affected them, music they’ve listened to, etc. And once these groups find enough ‘common ground’ to make up what they believe creates killers, they’re sure as hell going to put up warning signs to protect society (or just themselves) from further harm.

I’ve read “The Catcher in the rye”, I’ve listened to Marilyn Manson, I’ve seen footage of WWI, WWII, the Gulf War, and the Vietnam War, I’ve been spanked by my parents, I’ve been refused things that I wanted that made me fly into childish rages, I’ve become angry at not being able to get what I want, I’ve been teased, taunted, pushed around and bullied by others, BUT THIS HAS NEVER DRIVEN ME TO KILL SOMEONE. So what’s the deal? What makes me different from all these murderers and serial killers if I’ve witnessed/experienced some of the same things they have? One reason is that I was never abused, tortured, locked up or beaten. I think things like that can mentally scar people for life and cut some circuits in their brains. These cut circuits can be responsible for why some people react violently to news or have strong emotional outbursts when they read about the horrible things happening in the world today.

I refer to a link that I found on a website that was part of a list of Maddox knockoffs:
(Or here if that link isn’t available:
How about that lawn? How about that plane flying 2 feet above the ground? Compare the size of the plane with the size of the part of the building that the plane hit. I think the hole would be a LITTLE bit bigger than that. Now how about disputing the ‘facts’ of the video:
The names of the ‘eyewitnesses’…could they be made-up?
Could the pictures have been digitally altered or presented in a Michael Moore-style of storytelling to bring people together to question the actions of their government?
If this is a video displaying ‘facts’ and telling the absolute truth, why is it presented as if it were a movie? We all know that movies are works of fiction, so why the graphics, soundtrack, cuts, etc.?

I don’t know when conspiracy theories were born, but I’d sure like to. I think that the theories were created mainly as reasoning for why some things in our lives are so bad. For example, someone may have asked why the price of bubble gum went up 10 cents in the past month. After letting the question float around for a while, someone else may have come up with a theory (perhaps created by some simple ‘connect the dots’ research). It can also be created as a “Fuck the establishment/the powers that be/the government” statement that one wishes to pass along in the hopes that it will spread like wildfire and somehow cause the source of his anger to crumble.

I think that conspiracy theories exist today because they’re very interesting to listen to, and that there are many people out there who will believe the theories because they’re simple-minded. When you combine fear with curiosity and interest and let it sit for a while, people are going to take that information and either pass it on or add their own opinions/conclusions to it and THEN pass it on. Conspiracy theories are often part truth and part speculation. Like I said, people may make up theories to help explain why some things are so bad in life or why some events take place (September 11th, 2001, for example). Films like Michael Moore’s “Bowling for Columbine” and “Fahrenheit 9/11” are good examples of this. I believe Michael Moore is a good person with a good heart and he wants to do the right thing to ensure a decent future for our children. But I don’t think that’s possible, for one, and I question his actual motives, for two. I’ll always watch whatever Moore presents, but I won’t take it for gospel.

Conspiracy theories can also be a form of gossip/rumours: people don’t do any fact-checking to the story, but simply pass it on, like a chain letter. If these stories float around for long enough, they can eventually become urban legends. The JFK assassination has a few conspiracy theories attached to it, and I think it was in that period of time that the public became aware of such wild stories. We’re always interested in what we don’t know, and I don’t think we’ll ever know every dark secret the governments of the world are hiding, so we make up stories to try and stick a little thorn in the sides of our leaders to coax them into telling the truth. But you know governments: they’d rather kill their own than tell the truth! I think that, for some strange reason, the government believed at one point that if the public knew what was ACTUALLY going on behind the scenes, there would be mass panic and riots. They might actually believe that if we knew what they were really up to, we’d all just go completely insane and kill our families, not pay our phone bills, not shop in the same damn grocery store we’ve been shopping in for the past 10 years, run up a really high utility bill and not pay it, let all our animals go loose and the dog/cat/parakeet catcher would go insane from trying to catch everything and rob liquor stores and we, as a society, would completely fall apart. I don’t think they believe that the TRUTH is the absolute best thing one can tell others.

It has been said that telling the truth is the best possible thing we can tell; I guess the people who make up the government never heard that. Yes, that’s it. They were born in a human embryo clinic in the basement of the Parliament building. They were ENGINEERED, you see? There have been reports of the building of a special room in the Parliament building where the semen of the most morally corrupt politicians is secreted into test tubes and then combined with the eggs of the most personable women of their time and when the baby is born it’s taught right from conception how to lie to people and how to double-cross and make decisions for the ‘greater good’ and it’s taught all about business and some of the first words out of the children’s mouths are business terms and they’re taught about the great schemes of the world and…..

  1. #1 by Bryan on November 12, 2005 - 1:04 am

    Don\’t forget the XFiles man! Some of the best conspiracy tales ever to be sown. Total fiction, but top notch writing and imaginations! Especially the one revolving around small-pox vaccinations!

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