Killing off cliches and misconceptions

Urban legends, opinions stated as facts, and dozens of forwarded emails filled with nonsense swirl around in cyberspace every day. I’m tired of it. We’re human beings in the 21st century, we’ve been around a long time and have accomplished a hell of a lot. There’s no need to keep repeating the same silly stories that were told at one dinner table in 1243 A.D. to now, especially if they’re not true. Why can’t we shake some of this silly stuff off and move on? Have our parents not taught us enough common sense? Do we really have to spread myths and urban legends to keep people alert? I say we dump the crap, get rid of what dumbs people down, and return to thinking for ourselves and NOT believing everything we hear or read.

Men Are Just Happier People…
What do you expect from such simple creatures? (Simple, huh? “Simple” men created the atom bomb, nuclear physics, rocket science, automobiles, ways to harness electricity, and space travel?)
1) Your last name stays put. (If you’re REALLY that attached to your last name, then keep it! It’s not like you’re going to forget it the instant you’re married!)
2) The garage is all yours. (And I suppose the KITCHEN belongs exclusively to the woman. The 1950s is long gone. Women can have space/things in the garage as much as men can have space/things in the kitchen.)
3) Wedding plans take care of themselves. (Except, of course, for when the future bride and groom DECIDE to make their wedding plans TOGETHER….but that’s never ever been done before, has it?)
4) Chocolate is just another snack. (And I suppose it’s a lifeline for women? Men can be obsessed with chocolate as much as women. Besides, not every woman on the planet likes chocolate. Some are allergic to it, some hate it, some don’t care to eat it all the damn time. Get over it.)
5) You can be President. (Just because a woman hasn’t been elected president YET in the U.S. doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. Read the Constitution? Does it say anything about the eligibility of U.S. president being restricted to men?)
6) You can never be pregnant…..bastards. (Yes, but there is such thing as abortion. Also, there are women out there who choose to adopt INSTEAD of becoming pregnant. You see? Women CAN choose for themselves.)
7) You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. (Women CAN wear a white t-shirt to a water park! In fact, I’ve SEEN it! Show me the law in your community that bans women from wearing a white t-shirt to a water park. And because of public exposure laws, women CAN’T be seen topless at a water park just as men cannot walk around with no pants and no underwear on.)
8) Car mechanics tell you the truth. (BULLSHIT. Car mechanics LIE to make money just like everyone else. They don’t discriminate. If you tell the mechanic you don’t know anything about cars, they’ll take you for a ride. I suppose there are no women in the world who have learned mechanics, huh? Grow up.)
9) The world is your urinal. (The world is ANYONE’S urinal. Women can go wherever they want as well.)
10) You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. (Yes, because things like toilet paper and paper towels don’t exist in gas station restrooms, do they? Get this through your head: not EVERY woman in the world is a Prima Donna. When some of them have to go, they’re not going to be picky; they could care LESS what the inside of a gas station bathroom looks like.)
11) You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. (I guess no woman in the entire world has ever known this…even though there are female mechanics out there and female tradespersons. I think this statement also implies that men instinctively ‘know’ how to turn a nut on a bolt. Yep, right from conception, we were born with that fact implanted in our brains, along with drinking beer, watching sports, and exuding various gases from our bodies in order to ‘bond’.)
12) Same work, more pay. (So there’s not one job out there where a woman can make the same amount or more money per hour than a man…ever? Wow. Great statement. Shame you don’t have the evidence to back it up.)
13) Wrinkles add character. (This goes along with the myth that in order to be beautiful, you have to look young. Pure crap. Here’s some names for you: Diane Lane {40}, Diane Venora {53}, Ellen Barkin {51}, Arianna Huffington {55}, Jessica Lange {54}, Emma Thompson {46}….)
14) Wedding dress-$5,000. Tux rental-$100. (Perhaps, but aren’t there wedding dresses out there for LESS that look JUST AS GOOD? And why is it that you have to BUY a wedding dress but only RENT a tuxedo? If one were to BUY a tuxedo, wouldn’t it cost MORE than a hundred dollars? It all depends on where you shop, what you’re looking for, what sales are on, how much money you have, how important this is to you, and how much you’re willing to spend. There is no SET PRICE for ALL wedding garments.)
15) People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. (BULLSHIT. Women have BLATANTLY stared at my chest when talking to me. I’ve seen women stare at other guy’s chests when talking to them! Don’t give me this ‘men are the perverts who think about sex all the time’ line, because it’s getting tiring. Women can be equally as sexual as men, so quit with this ‘we’re innocent and THEY’RE bad’ rap.)
16) The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. (I know beautiful women who can burp as loud as guys. And yes, it’s expected of them.)
17) New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. (Wrong: I’ve peeled dead skin off of my feet after buying new shoes many times.)
18) One mood all the time. (So you’re saying that men can’t be actors? Visit your local video store, chump.)
19) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. (Wrong again! I know of many men who have had phone conversations stretching more than an hour! So what’s the implication here? That only GAY men can talk on a phone for more than 30 seconds? Where did THIS come from? I’ve had dozens of conversations on the phone with men WAY over 30 seconds, and I was not gay at the time, and neither were any of the men I was talking to. In fact, I know of some WOMEN who don’t like to talk on the phone!)
20) You know stuff about tanks. (BULLSHIT. How does knowing stuff about tanks make men happier people? Are you telling me that there’s a woman out there who’s depressed because she doesn’t know jack about a tank? She can pick up a book or search the Internet if she’s that desperate!)
21) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. (I’ve seen the EXACT same of women. Not every woman is a pack-rat. And I’ve seen some guys with more than one suitcase who were on trips that lasted five days or less.)
22) You can open all your own jars. (So can some women, and I’ll bet that makes them VERY happy!)
23) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. (I think it’s safe to say that the first person to be labeled as a “Valley girl” was not a man.)
24) If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. (So women never forgive and forget? I know guys who were FURIOUS because they were forgotten about and ended the friendship. And no, they were NOT gay.)
25) Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. (Since women can buy men’s clothing, I see no reason why they can’t buy men’s underwear, too [I’m specifically referring to boxers]. Is women’s underwear NEVER on sale?)
26) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. (Believe it or not, there ARE women out there who spend their money on things OTHER than shoes. What if there’s a guy out there who likes to hike, run, bike, walk on the beach with his girl, and he has a job that requires steel toe shoes? He would need hiking shoes, running shoes, sandals, steel toes…that’s more than three. Does that mean that the guy is a FAG? That’s great, we can take every broken cliché about guys and blame it on gay men. No wonder gay people are constantly fighting for their rights.)
27) You almost never have strap problems in public. (You’ve never seen a guy adjust his package in public before?)
28) You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes….even if you clearly look like you just rolled out of bed. (I’ve seen women out there who wear BAGGY clothing with lots of wrinkles in it, and some of these women are HOT. The fashion industry does NOT control women. Society has somehow made women think that they have to look good ALL THE TIME, which takes away from the woman’s character of being herself and makes her look like a walking advertisement. Plus, there are men out there who need to look good for their jobs. If you’re going to say that no man ever irons his clothes, you should jump in front of a speeding bus.)
29) Everything on your face stays its original color. (Except for when you get in a fight, cross-dress, pass out around good friends who have magic markers, when your girlfriend decides that it’d be a good idea to put makeup on you, if you’re a stage actor, etc etc…)
30) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. (Yeah, because men are not keen with trying something new every now and then.)
31) You only have to shave your face and neck. (We don’t HAVE to, but some of us do because our job requires it or reasons of cleanliness or because the wife said so…how about Olympic swimmers, or bodybuilders? Shall we travel down the “gay” excuse road again, or have you come up with a brand new reason?)
32) You can play with toys all your life. (So can women! I know women who own snowmobiles, cameras, stuffed toys, computers, SEX TOYS, laptops, cars, trucks…..some women even consider men to be toys.)
33) Your belly usually hides your big hips…..lucky bastards. (Yes, because there’s nothing sexier than a man with a belly [or a gut] fat enough to ‘hide’ his big hips. Not a DAMN THING turns women on more than a huge, hairy beer belly. If you listen to women talk, all they talk about is how giant rolls of protruding flab shielding enormous male hips turns them on. Abs of steel? Who ever HEARD of such a disgusting mutation of the human body? Must be a fantasy of the gays.)
34) One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. (Except for when they wear out or get lost/stolen, or [heaven forbid] you decide to try something NEW.)
35) You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. (I’ve frequently heard women say something to the effect of “I don’t give a FUCK….”.)
36) You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife. (Yes, because whoever typed this out KNOWS that I have NEVER been asked for my pocketknife when there wasn’t a nail clipper available because ALL women are SCARED TO DEATH of pocket knives and WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM if they were given one. Same thing with guns, right? Women won’t handle guns because they think the gun will instantly go off?)
37) You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. (So do women! And they choose to NOT grow a moustache! Then again, some women don’t care, and DO grow a moustache.)

AND THE ONE THING GUYS CAN DO THAT WOMEN CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW THEY CAN,
38) You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. (Check out the gifts they buy. Guys who can do that either don’t CARE what they’re buying as gifts or have made up their minds. I know of women who can go into stores and buy Christmas gifts without taking hours and hours to look around. I know guys who have taken hours to buy Christmas gifts because they COULDN’T MAKE UP THEIR DAMN MINDS!)
No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it. (What about some of the things that can make women happy: shopping, cuddling, spending time with family/a loved one, multiple orgasms, decorating things, dancing, talking on the phone?)

The following was originally found at http://www.sophos.com/virusinfo/hoaxes/hotmail.html
(I’m reproducing it here because of the rash of bullshit forwards I’ve received in 2005 concerning “Hotmail shutting down your account”). As if we haven’t seen enough of these retarded emails from 1998 onwards.

Urgent: Please Forward! Hello to everyone from the Hotmail Headquarters! This is just a little test to see who is actively using their email account and in effect deleting all inactive users accounts. This process will make the whole site faster and easier to use for the active users. Now on to what to do with this email. All you have to do is forward this on to at least 10 registered Hotmail users. If you don’t forward this on within 48 hours of reading it, your account will be deactivated momentarily until you contact Hotmail Headquarters.

The text of the second version was more detailed:

READ THE PARAGRAPH IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HOTMAIL ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Hotmail User,

Because of the sudden rush of people signing up to Hotmail,it has come to our attention that we are vastly running out of resources. So, within a month’s time, anyone who does not receive this email with the exact subject heading, will be deleted off our server.Please forward this email so that we know you are still using this account.

WARNING WARNING
We want to find out which users are actually using their Hotmail accounts. So if you are using your account, please pass this e-mail to every Hotmail user that you can and if you do not pass this letter to anyone we will delete your account.

From Mr. Jon Henerd

Hotmail Admin. Dept.

Our hotmail system is getting to crowded!! We need you to forward this to at least 20 people. I know this seems like a large number, but we need to find out who is really using their account. If you do not send this to at least 10 Hotmail members, we will delete your account. Sorry for this inconvenience.

Sincerely, Director of Hotmail Services

Aaron Lopez

In February 2003 a new version of the Hotmail hoax was first seen. It includes some obvious spelling mistakes:

Dear Hotmail User,
We understand that you have previously recieved many messages that have state the colising of accounts not being used within our servers. This message, however, is your final warning. Within this message is encoded a small program that will located and debug your account when sent to fifteen other Hotmail users. If you do not send this message to fifteen Hotmail users within 24 hours of recieving this message, your account will be PERMANETLY SHUT-DOWN. When and if you send this, we herebygrant that you will no longer recieve such messages as this one.

We realize that this process is becoming an annoyance, however, this is the final message you will recieve from the Hotmail Announcement staff. Thank you for you time and cooperation.

Sincerely,

Calvin W. Kreantz
MSN Accounts Coordinator

In November 2003 a new variant of the hoax was first seen, claiming that people who forwarded it to enough people would receive more functionality.

Hotmail is offering active users the new Extra Storage block&contact feature!

Ever wanted to know if you have been blocked? With the new block&contact feature available for MSN Messenger you will now be able to have up to 500 contacts on your list, and be able to see who is blocking you! Extra Storage downloads are now offering you the download FOR FREE! Read down to learn how to get this, quickly and easily!

Extra Storage features don’t stop there!

No, Extra Storage feature doesn’t just mean new special block&contact features. You will now be able to create new accounts with a single click and run as many MSN Messengers as you want (use different accounts at once)!

Get Extra Storage

It’s easy. Everyone with an hotmail.com or msn.com account can get these upgrades FOR FREE!

Send this email to 5 people for the free Block feature!
Send this email to 10 people for both the Block feature and contact list extender (500 contacts)!
Send this email to 15 people for the Block feature, Contact extender, Account maker AND multi MSN!

If you do this you will recive a pop up message from our admin giving you the upgrade for MSN Messenger!

HOTMAIL WILL NOT SHUT DOWN YOUR ACCOUNT IF YOU DON’T FORWARD AN EMAIL. GET IT? HOTMAIL WOULD NEVER, EVER HAVE YOU FORWARD AN EMAIL TO SOMEONE ELSE. EVER.

Let’s say that you’re subscribed to some Internet service, like Horoscope.com. You receive your horoscope from them every morning in an email FROM THEM. Now let’s suppose that they have to discontinue their service to you and shut down their business completely for some reason. Would they:
(a) Send an email to just a few people that have subscribed and hope that those people would pass on the information (through “forwarding”),
OR
(b) Send out an email to each and every subscriber themselves?
Methinks answer (b) would be more realistic. Why is it that I get an email from Hotmail every once in awhile telling me about their ‘new features’, but a forward from other Hotmail users about Hotmail shutting down your account? If Hotmail has something to say to you, they’re going to say it themselves, not ask people to forward it to each other. These forwards are just another form of rumour-spreading, and it needs to stop. When Hotmail sends you an email, there is no sender’s email in the to/from box at the top of the email. Also, in the body of the email, you can see the Hotmail icon, as well as a message at the bottom of the screen that goes something like: “Do not reply to this email. If you have questions, please send them to support@hotmail.com”. I can understand that some of my friends are just trying to do the right thing by forwarding these emails, but they’re not using their heads.

Here’s a website that lists many of the chain letters that we see in our inboxes:
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/email-chain-letters.html

I’ve not forwarded an email warning about “Hotmail shutting down your account if you don’t send this email to XX users” in about 6 years, and my account has NEVER BEEN SHUT DOWN.
http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/hotmail.html

FOR EVERYONE WHO LOVES ANIMALS
A site that we were able to shut last year has returned. We have to try to shut it down again! A Japanese man in New York breeds and sells kittens that are called BONSAI CATS.
That would sound cute, if it weren’t kittens that were put in to little bottles after being given a muscle relaxant and then locked up for the rest of their lives!! The cats are fed through a straw and have a small tube for their faces. The skeleton of the cat will take on the form of the bottle as the kitten grows. The The cats never get the opportunity to move.
They are used as original and exclusive souvenirs. These are the latest trends in New York, China, Indonesia and New Zealand .
If you think you can handle it, view http://www.bonsaikitten.com/ and have a look at the methods being used to put these little kittens into bottles. This petition needs 500 names, so please put your one name on it!!! Copy the text into a new email and put your name on the bottom, then send it to everyone you know. If you notice that there are 500 names on the list, please send it to:

anacheca@hotmail.com

It’s true that some people are sick, but this one in particular is due to bad humour. There IS NO SUCH ACTIVITY GOING ON. It’s a joke, and sadly, the joke is on the good people who want to put a stop to this…
http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/bonsai.asp
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/blbonsai.htm
http://www.cruel.com/sub/bonsai.shtml
http://tafkac.org/ulz/bonsai.html
http://www.kuro5hin.org/?op=displaystory&sid=2001/1/29/163019/161

This is apparently happening in Calgary! (Really? Then how come we’ve never seen it on CTV News? How come none of my friends in Calgary have emailed me telling me that this story was on the local TV?) Just thought I would share…..This is something that happened to us (No names, huh? Sounds very generic….) on the way back from vacation last spring (of what year? That Amy Bruce email went around for about seven years.) . I didn’t think much of it until now. The reason we were a little suspicious is we had been riding in a jeep all day with 100 degrees temps and we stopped at a truck stop for something to drink (Where, exactly? Surely you gave these kinds of details to the POLICE!). When I was leaving, a young girl followed me out (but you don’t have a description of her. So I guess the Calgary police are going to have to arrest every “young girl” they see, huh?)  and asked what kind of cologne I was wearing. Well, after 7 hours in the car sweating, I don’t think you could tell I was or was not wearing any cologne. We just got in the jeep and said no thanks (Wait a minute, you said that YOU were followed out and YOU were asked what kind of cologne you had on. Who’s “WE”?)  Then about 3 weeks ago, I was at a service station in Brampton getting gas (Name of the service station? Address? Intersection?).  It was about 9:30 pm. I was approached by 2 men and 2 women in a car. (Make and model of car? Description of 2 men and 2 women? Surely the SECURITY CAMERAS AT THE GAS STATION captured these images!) The man that was driving asked me ‘What kind of perfume do you wear?’ (As opposed to being asked what kind of COLOGNE you wore the time before….riiiiiiight.) I was a bit confused and I asked him ‘Why?’ He said, ‘We are selling some name brand perfumes, at cheap prices.’ I said I had no money. He then reached out of the car and handed me paper that was laminated; it had perfume on it. I looked quickly at it and gave it back. I said, I have no money. He said that’s OK, we take cheque, cash, or credit cards. Then the people in the car began to laugh. I just got in my car and said no thanks. Then I received this e-mail yesterday and it sent chills up my spine. Please read this. It is no joke. Here is the e-mail I was sent… (So you were solicited in person twice in two seperate cities in two separate provinces in a span of about 3 weeks by two different sets of people? Wow! It must be your bad luck, because this story has NEVER been on a Canadian news station, which also means it has never happened in the Vancouver area! And if this is the ‘new thing’ for criminals, it sure hasn’t caught on!)
Dear Friends:
I know not all of you are women that I am sending this to, but am hoping you will share this with your wives, daughters, mothers, sisters, etc. Our world seems to be getting crazier by the day. Pipe bombs in mailboxes and sickos in parking lots with perfume. Be careful. I was approached yesterday afternoon around 5:30 PM in the Walmart parking lot by two males asking what kind of perfume I was wearing. (But your dumbass can’t make out a description of these two males or give us the name of the city where this Walmart is.) Then they asked if I’d like to sample some fabulous new scent they were willing to sell me at a very reasonable rate. (Wow! You can remember their sales pitch EXACTLY but you don’t know what they look like? Good job, idiot!) I probably would have agreed had I not received an e-mail warning of a “Wanna smell this neat perfume?” scam (The “forwarded hero email” foils the bad guys again!) The men continued to stand between parked cars, I guess to wait for someone else to hit on. I stopped a lady going towards them, pointing at them and told her about how I was sent an e-mail at work about someone walking up to you at the malls or in parking lots and asking you to SNIFF PERFUME that they are selling at a cheap price. THIS IS NOT PERFUME…IT IS ETHER! (How do you know if you didn’t sniff it?)  When you sniff it, you’ll pass out (So I suppose that pouring some ether into a cloth, holding the cloth over your face, and inhaling doesn’t get you high as shit. Okay, just checking.) . They’ll take your wallet, your valuables and heaven knows what else. If it were not for this e-mail, I probably would have sniffed the ‘perfume’ but thanks to the generosity of an e-mailing friend, I was spared whatever might have happened to me. I wanted to do the same for you. (It’s reassuring to know that the cops would never try and warn the public about this, because they’re all too busy stuffing donuts into their faces and shooting black people.)
PLEASE PASS THIS ALONG TO ALL YOUR WOMEN FRIENDS AND PLEASE BE ALERT AND BE AWARE. IF YOU ARE A MAN AND RECEIVE THIS, PASS IT ON TO YOUR WOMEN FRIENDS. (YEAH, BECAUSE THIS COULD NEVER HAPPEN TO A MAN, EXCEPT IF YOU SWITCHED THE WORD “PERFUME” WITH “COLOGNE”.) Ladies, this happened to me yesterday and I didn’t smell the perfume either, thanks to this email. This is true. Believe me, I know. I was over by Marlboro Mall in Calgary in the parking lot at lunch time when I was approached (What month, day, year, and time. exactly? You never know, with the way forwarded emails spread, you might just send this to someone who was there at that exact same time!) . So either day or night, it does not matter. There were 3 guys together when I was approached. (What were they wearing? How tall were they? Anything unusual about any of them?)  I called the police when I got back to my desk. (Hmmm, a desk job. I know it’s dumb to assume that you don’t have a cellphone, but what about a pay phone? What about mall security? What about screaming out at the top of your lungs and throwing things to attract attention?)
Like the email says above, LET EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS – YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY, CO-WORKERS, whomever. It helped me. The first thing that popped into my head was this e-mail warning.

Apparently this is based on a true event in the United States, but the victim didn’t know it was ether (and neither did the doctors when they examined her), so the purpose of this email is to warn people, but it does so in a misleading way. You see, if the events described in the previous forward were true, there would be names, dates, times and a link to the news story where this happened. Emails that are made up don’t go into such detail.

WOULD YOU HAVE MADE THE SAME CHOICE?

You make the choice. Don’t look for a punch line. There isn’t one. Read it anyway.

My question to you is: Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves learning disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question.

“When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

The audience was stilled by the query.

The father continued. “I believe, that when a child like Shay comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes, in the way other people treat that child.”

Then he told the following story: Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball.

Shay asked, “Do you think they’ll let me play?”

Shay’s father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood that if his son
were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging. Shay’s father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shay could play.

The boy looked around for guidance and, getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, “We’re losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.”

In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.

In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the outfield.

Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay’s team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible ’cause Shay didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least be able to make contact.

The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and turned and threw the ball on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman.

Everyone started yelling, “Shay, run to first! Run to first!”

Never in his life had Shay ever made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second!”

By the time Shay rounded first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher’s intentions and intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman’s head.

Shay ran toward second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases toward home.

Shay reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base, and shouted, “Run to third!”

As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams were screaming, “Shay, run home!”

Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the “grand slam” and won the game for his team.

“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world.”

AND, NOW A LITTLE FOOTNOTE TO THIS STORY: We all send thousands of jokes through the e-mail without a second thought (Oh really? Haven’t you ever had a second thought when sending dirty jokes along to friends/family?), but when it comes to sending messages about life choices, people think twice about sharing (yes, especially all the people who have sent this email on before I received it). The crude, vulgar, and often obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion about decency is too often suppressed in our schools and workplaces. (You’re completely right, because in schools we’re NEVER taught to be nice to others or to respect others and/or their property or help each other out when needed. And the workplace? Forget it. Even with my job as a mover, I’m NEVER allowed to ask someone if they need help, no matter HOW heavy/awkward the piece being moved is. That kind of generosity and decency is strongly frowned upon. Why, I could be fired for it! Also, religious websites don’t exist on the Internet, so it’s completely rampant with crude, vulgar and obscene material. Shame on Al Gore for creating the Internet.)

If you’re thinking about forwarding this message, chances are that you’re probably sorting out the people on your address list that aren’t the “appropriate” ones to receive this type of message. (Absolutely! Why would I forward an email to someone I know wouldn’t want it because they’re sick of preachy email messages that assume we’re all hateful beings?) Well, the person who sent you this believes that we all can make a difference. (I wonder how many people SHE excluded from sending this email to, because I can assure you she did not max out the number of recipients for this forward.) We all have thousands of opportunities every single day to help realize the “natural order of things.” (Yes, but we don’t need preachy emails to tell us that. We have something called COMMON SENSE AND DECENCY.)

So many seemingly trivial interactions between two people present us with a choice:

Do we pass along a little spark of love and humanity or do we pass up that opportunity, and leave the world a little bit colder in the process? (Shame that you don’t have an “email tracker” to find out who is and isn’t forwarding these emails, huh? Maybe you could get Microsoft to “encrypt” one to find out who the good people are!)

You now have two choices:
1. Delete this.
2. Forward it to the people you care about.
You already know the choice I opted for.

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

Remember everyone: we’re all selfish, evil and uncaring of others until we receive emails like this one. The purpose of forwards like the Shay story is to remind us that in order for us to care, we have to send each other these little stories that show us that some people in the world CAN be nice to one another (unlike the rest of the world that DOESN’T have the joyous communication tool that is email; they’re all sinners).

I understand that the point of the email is to remind us that we can do positive things to make people happier, but is forwarding stories like this the only way? NO! Why can’t we use our brains and come up with our own ways of showing love and happiness to those around us instead of forwarding an email and then thinking that we’ve made a difference? Also, I think emails like this say this to people: “You have the choice to be seen as a good person if you forward this, or an evil/bad/uncaring/cold-hearted devil worshipper if you don’t.” Just because you forward an email with a cute little story in it does NOT make you a better person than anyone else. It does not redeem you in the eyes of God, it does not make a rush of good luck come your way, and it does not make you the most enlightened, caring, and trusted being on the damn planet. It only makes you think you are.

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  1. #1 by Ryan on January 3, 2006 - 10:41 pm

    For my birthday this year Amber bought me an Urban Legends book 99.5% of all forwards I have received since first going on the net are in this book. The cats in the jar thing people jesus christ lets look at it this way why dont you protest your local chinese or philipino resturaunts to see where the cruelty lies yes Meat is Meat and yes maybe thats a stereotype however back in 2000,2002,2004 in Burnaby at the fook you resturaunt (real Name) and a couple in edmonton DEAD DOGS AND CATS Were found in their freezers.

  2. #2 by Tamara on January 13, 2006 - 4:35 pm

    referring to the:22) You can open all your own jars. (That\’s true! But so can some women! And I\’ll bet that makes them VERY happy! Oh, but THOSE women are all FREAKS, aren\’t they?i don\’t need no man to open my jars for me… and neither does my mom… i think its genetic

  3. #3 by Snow on December 17, 2006 - 8:58 pm

    on the topic of so called bargaining power, did you know that America and China are
    at odds about human rights as well as trade fairness etc? Well lately
    China is extremely sensitive about it\’s human rights record especially
    since the organ harvesting of live Falun Gong practitioners was exposed
    by Canadian investigators this year.Well, whenever any top
    leaders bring up human rights around China, China threatens that such
    free speaking or criticising will "damage US/China relations" or
    relations with whatever newspaper or whatever institution it may be.
     The insttitution know s that if it wants money and trade with China
    and not conflict, it has to take Chinas stance on human rights or at
    least be silent about it.  This is whats happenning now.So
    anyone who is feindishly greedy enough to comprimise the good of
    humanity for some immediate cash from China knows that they have to
    follow the Communist Party\’s lead about Taiwan, Tibet, Falun Gong, the
    olympics, trade, slave labour, pollution, all sorts of stuff.  China
    says that whats most important is saving face and whenever anyone says
    the truth about their atrocities, they say that its not right for that
    someone to cause them to loose face.  Its really cracked.For
    America they have been so blinded by greed that for fast cash they have
    just made a deal to sell 4 nuclear reactors to China!  It sure paints a
    clear picture of the situation doesn\’t it?!  America sells nukes to
    most populated, hate mongering nationalist,manipulative, cold blooded,
    communist countryheres a BBC article about the nukes deal    http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/6187491.stm

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