Random thoughts 5


Mothers Against Nike shoes
Mothers Against the draft
Mothers Against Harrison Ford
Mothers Against the ceasefire
Mothers Against juxtapositions
Mothers against dog chaining
Mothers Against Biggie Smalls
Mothers Against turbulence
Mothers Against Hard Rock
Mothers Against reggae
Mothers Against staplers
Mothers Against flatulence
Mothers Against everything
Mothers Against Ronald McDonald
Mothers Against potluck dinners
Mothers Against guns
Mothers Against the Empire of Slutdom
Mothers Against Father Time
Mothers Against Fathers Against Mothers Against Slutdom
Mothers Against million dollar bills, y’all
Mothers Against Circumcision
Mothers Against Drunk Driving
Mothers Against going out in a blaze of glory
Mothers Against penguins
Mothers Against Jeff Goldblum
Mothers Against hopeless romantics
Mothers Against salt
Mothers Against screaming yahoos
Mothers Against being blown away
Mothers Against sex
Mothers Against Liberal sissies
Mothers Against Jesus
Mothers Against Peeing standing up
Mothers Against Mother Nature
Mothers Against Gays
Mothers Against Fox News
Mothers Against Homophobes
Mothers Against noise
Mothers Against the city of San Francisco
Mothers Against being a menace to South Central while drinking juice in the hood
Mothers Against big black dicks
Mothers Against world domination
Mothers Against donuts
Mothers Against desperate housewives (not the TV show)
Mothers Against Tony Danza
Mothers Against tanks
Mothers Against ‘mothers against’ groups
Mothers Against Richard Cheese
Mothers Against voting for Pedro
Mothers Against Hillary Clinton
Mothers Against fog
Mothers Against nasty ruffians
Mothers Against MSN Spaces
Mothers Against Zambonis
Mothers Against Joe Pesci

The slogan is NOT the most important thing:

It was taught to me back in high school (in some business-marketing related class) that the slogan for your business should reflect what your company is about. It’s just like the synopsis for a movie; it gives you an idea of what you’re in for. But do they actually serve a purpose besides giving people excuses to come up with silly, smartassed, misleading, or even dirty terms and catch phrases to serve as business slogans? If you want to know what the company is about, call them, visit their website, or go there and find out for yourself; don’t base your decision on a single sentence that made you laugh.
I’m sick of advertising in general, and because of that, I’ve decided to dump on every slogan I can come up with as a “giant middle finger” to all those businesses out there that believe we’re nothing more than happy drones in colourful clothing who believe everything we read and buy everything they say we should.

Telus – The future will be assimilated.
Rogers – Your world is being watched…right now.
University of Calgary – This is us fucking with your future right now.
Bell – Making it simple to rip off weak-minded fucks like you.
McDonald’s – I’m lovin’ the bloated, gastro-intestinal feeling I’ve gotten from eating this food. Super size, please? (Side note: Apparently McDonald’s has been an official Olympic sponsor since 1976. So how many Olympians eat McDonald’s on a regular basis?)
Microsoft – Watch us have fun with your hard drive while you sit there helplessly and wonder if your expensive internet connection was worth it.
7-11 – Oh thank heaven we have ethnic diversity. Who else could man these counters?
99.3 The Fox (radio station in Vancouver) – The Fox rocks to people who are too narrow-minded to listen to anything else.
Wal*Mart – Always low quality made cheap by third world hands and sold at inflated prices in North America. * Always *.
JetsGo – Pay a little, fly…..maybe!
Canadian Tire – I’ll start with the sleazy sales pitch and then move on to using your first name to begin every sentence and then pretend to be your friend and finally resort to using big words and near-non-explainable terms to try and coerce you into buying this giant, useless piece of shit product that will only make life tougher, not easier because it will constantly break down and the warranty will only cover certain, specific, tiny things and replacement parts will only be made in the most-difficult-to-reach third world countries that take months to ship and may even ship to the wrong store!
Nike – Don’t hesitate in making six-year-old children do fourteen hours a day in a sweatshop making shoes and clothing for white guys who are going to wear that clothing and mouth off about it, getting themselves shot in the process; Just do it.
Maybelline – Maybe she’s born with it, maybe she was suckered in by all the airbrushed photos and phony commercials into looking like something more “socially acceptable”.
Budweiser – For all the bitching, moaning, drunken fights, puking, and mouthing off you do, this brain-cell-killing can of beer is for you.
U.S. Army National Guard/The Army National Guard: you CAN get blown away for fighting for a fake democracy-mirages-as-a-rising-totalitarian regime.
Michelin – Because so much useless consumer crap and polluting machinery are riding on your tires.
Saab – Trying to make you feel like you’re a great and unique individual, driving in a state of independence just because you own a Saab.
ABC (American Broadcasting Company) – Don’t just sit there. Okay, just sit there. (THIS WAS ABC’S ACTUAL SLOGAN IN 1998. IF THAT ISN’T A SUBTLE HINT TO BIG BROTHER-STYLE MIND CONTROL THROUGH THE MEDIA, THEN WHAT IS?)
CNN – We say we’re the most trusted name in news even though we didn’t ask anyone else for their opinion.
L’Oreal – It’s because I think I’m worth more than you that I buy a product that has a French-sounding classy name.
VISA – Under the totalitarian police state, the future will be beaten into submission and forced to take VISA.

To get an idea of what other slogans are out there, go to:

What does Blockbuster’s latest advertising turd, “No late fees”, imply? Are there really that many people who can’t return a movie on time, or did Blockbuster do some weird survey where they found out that the majority of their customers can’t return movies on time, so they decided to cater to what their customers wanted by removing the late fees? However, think of all the money Blockbuster would make if they decided to hold people accountable to returning a movie on time. “No late fees” is a STUPID idea and the lazy fools who don’t return movies on time should be CHARGED for it. Either plan out your night or don’t rent the damn movie. These people need to be kicked in the ass and have the rules projected onto a giant screen while being strapped to a chair in a movie theatre and having Beethoven’s “Ode to Joy” blasted out through a dozen large speakers in surround sound…and their eyelids should be peeled open as well.

If the public can have access to tabloid magazines that berate and belittle celebrities, then celebrities should have access to magazines that berate and belittle tabloid photographers and the tabloid media. Don’t celebrities have the right to know who’s photographing them and who’s writing stories about them? Why are tabloid photographers allowed to follow celebrities around and take pictures of them without the celebrities knowing, and then print up wild stories to go along with those pictures? If a celebrity wants to tell the world about themselves, that’s fine. But if a celebrity keeps to themselves and doesn’t give interviews and/or details about their personal life, then why does the tabloid media have to make it up (a.k.a, ‘gathering information from undisclosed sources’)? I would love to follow tabloid photographers around and take pictures of them from a distance with a high-quality, long range photo lens, and then have a few of my friends print up an outrageous story to go along with it. Then I’ll publish it in a little magazine called “I spy for you” and sell it to celebrities. Would that be wrong? If the media can do it to celebrities, why can’t it be done to the media? Is it because the media would call it STALKING? And yet, if the media does it to celebrities, it’s known as INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM? Riiiiiiiight.

The great Canadian elections are coming up soon. I don’t know exactly when because I don’t particularly care. I don’t watch much TV, but I am seeing the smear campaign commercials already. Are we living in the United States? I know we’re being Americanized every day of our lives, but please, leave the smear campaigns to those mouthy, gun-toting, world-dominating, WMD-possessing (while trying to disarm the rest of the world) maniacs. Is it honourable to tell the public to not vote for anyone else but you? Are they afraid of competition? Is there some study going on that’s tracking how many people are going to vote for a certain party because of a silly COMMERCIAL they saw on TV? This is yet another reason why I’ll never vote. When they decide to grow up and behave like adults, then I’ll cast my vote. If they can’t keep their snotty comments about the other candidates to themselves, then to hell with them. “Stand up for Canada.” HA! Rather, “Stand up and swallow the propaganda these smarmy politicians are feeding you so you’ll vote for them and then they’ll fuck with your life in some NEW way once they’re in office.” Yay freedom.

There are some sick, crazy, twisted, weirdoes out there. If you have your own MSN Space, click on ‘Settings’ and then ‘Statistics’. I did that today (January 8th, 2006) and this came up:
Somehow, my very own MSN Space page came up in the search query for “gay new mexico site:spaces.msn.com”. I know the word “gay” is in my “Homophobia and racism” rant. The word “new”…. probably in most of my blogs. But I don’t remember typing “Mexico” in. I don’t know if I should be scared that this individual came to my MSN Space looking for something gay, new, and Mexican, or just the fact that he typed in “gay new mexico site.”
How about a test to see how many sickos will come to my MSN Space? “Hentai” should attract some crazy bastards. Let’s up the ante, shall we? “Milf”. “Beach bunny blonde”. “Bugger”. “Big ol’ swinging-tire boobies”. “Your neighbour’s horse galloping along the fence with the orange sunset at the edge of the horizon.” (Come to think of it, I may have gone too far with “Bugger.”) Here are some more results:
1/11/06: “smoking in boy’s washroom”
1/12/06: “grande Prairie gay” (found using http://search.blogger.com/)
1/15/06: “site:spaces.msn.com cassiopaea” (My guess is whoever typed this in was looking for either (A) something on astrology, or (B) people who had MSN Space pages that were making references or links to www.cassiopaea.org. Who knows, it could be government officials taking down names of people they think are “dissidents” or “enemies of society” that they have to “track and remove” in order to protect the public. Yeah, protect the public from having an opinion that’s different from the party line. That goes along the lines of restricting freedom of speech and choice. All hail those who watch us.)
1/16/06: “spanked by my parents” (found using Google blog search beta)
1/17/06: “pam anderson’s cleavage” (found using http://search.blogger.com/)
1/18/06: “bundy mark storage”, “pictures of maple syrup advertisments of 1940’s”
1/20/06: “butts boobs” (found using Google blog search beta)
1/26/06: “heavenly kevin warner site” (found using http://search.msn.com…who the hell is Kevin Warner?)
1/29.06: “and women beer and women” (found using MSN Spaces search)

I’m no longer a member of Gold’s Gym. The owner of this particular gym in North Vancouver decided to change the name of the place. Apparently, there were people who were interested in getting memberships at Gold’s, but were afraid to go because of the ‘reputation’ that Gold’s has for ‘attracting the wrong crowd’. You know the crowd I’m referring to: ‘Roid freaks and crankers…yes, the giant, beefy steroid maniacs. It’s true that I see gigantic men in there lifting large amounts of weight. It’s true that their size can be somewhat intimidating to the rest of us common folk. But how do you know they’re taking steroids? Just by looking at them? Well, if we’re going to go down the “assumption by visualization” road, then I can assume that all fat people are lazy (even though I see some of those fat people in the gym). Pretty big generalization, isn’t it? I’m sure there are a lot of fat people out there who will tell me that they’ve tried every diet and every exercise program out there, but since I have my assumption cap on, you’re lazy. The fact of the matter is that Gold’s Gym attracts a lot of people; particularly those who like to lift weights. You can’t tell me that changing the name is somehow going to scare away all these upright-walking gorillas. That’s like saying if you changed Iraq’s name to something less middle Eastern-sounding, the terrorists who frequent that country will eventually find somewhere else to go. What I’m trying to get at is that the people who were afraid of going to Gold’s merely believed the stories and rumours that they had heard when they shouldn’t have been. There IS a Ladies Only section, use it! Bottom line: don’t believe what you hear, check it out for yourself. 2nd bottom line: STOP SPREADING RUMOURS!

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